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Sometimes the dating process can really bring out the worst in people. Its hard not to take rejection personally or to react with strong emotions when taken off guard by a date’s behavior. For example, your best friend who has never once lost his temper since you became friends in Little League, becomes a raving lunatic when his girlfriend of 3 months breaks up with him. Name calling, epithet throwing, story telling lunatic. It baffles you, that your mellow, considerate friend for over 20 years, can be reduced to an angry, hate-filled man-blob by some girl. Or your friend who easily bypasses the glass ceiling at work due to her cool-headed and non-reactive approach to handling difficult co-workers but completely loses her poise as she blasts dates with opinions, diatribes and renegade emotions anytime a drink or two goes down the hatch. The reactive unclassy behavior makes for some ugly consequences from time to time.

I definitely learned my lesson the time I lost my cool during a not-so-pretty break up and said something that I had to call and apologize for a few hours later. That incident signaled the end of any 20-something year old self-centered blame shifting on my part. Humbling myself to the point of apologizing to my newly “ex” boyfriend made me take a good hard look at my behavior and resolve to NEVER EVER say something like that again. Being classy seemed an infinitely better option from there on out.

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“Taking the high road,” remaining a “gentleman” or “acting like a lady,” “white trash,” “hitting below the belt,” “reality TV” …we have a lot of terms describing the journey from class to trash. The word “classy” can take on connotations ranging from old world aristocracy (tea rituals and proper dress for any occasion) and southern manners (thank you notes and dinner parties) to social climbing (Eliza Doolittle like make-overs and living way above your means) and non-genuine behavior. 

However you do interpret it, having a little class goes a long ways towards attracting quality people into your life. Sometimes cultivating areas that you’ve ignored can begin to deepen and build a classy interior — making it easier and easier to respond gracefully during difficult dating situations. Just in case you’re trying to figure out where you fall on the “classy scale,”  I’ve created a quick quiz. The answers are at the bottom of the post…

I tend to talk more about:

1. Ideas, world events and people I like
2. Other people, day to day life and opinions
3. Why I am dissatisfied with life, my date or my friends
4. People and situations I don’t like, celebrity news and gossip

My sense of humor usually leans towards:

1. Responding to someone around me making a funny observation or gentle humor about day to day life
2. Dry, obscure or quick witted commentary
3. Poking fun at other people, sarcasm, jokes
4. “Potty” humor and jokes you would never tell around your grandmother

I’ve been known to swear or use obscenities:

1. Never
2. On the rare occasion I want to make a point or underscore something I’m saying
3. Pretty regularly
4. I drop the “F” bomb at least once per sentence

(Girls) When I get dressed up for a date, I:

1. Wear something flattering but not revealing in any way. Go easy on the perfume and make-up.
2. Won’t shy away from flashing a little leg or cleavage. Wear that sexy scent and put it in places where I’d like him to be sniffing. Make-up stays natural but a little more than my day-to-day wear. 
3. Definitely make sure to rock the mini and low-v. Leave a scent trail a block long and go all out on the “smokey eye” look.
4. Wear a dress that has frequently been mistaken for a “band-aid” or t-shirt. Have had men stop me on the street and ask “how much?” Pancake make-up, cat eyes and a bright red lip slash… but I’m careful not to rub up against any light colored shirts! Usually.

(Guys) when it comes to paying for a date, I:

1. Often find a way to pay ahead of time or discretely slip the waiter my credit card or cash.
2. Don’t make a big deal of it but don’t exactly hide the total amount. If my date wants to pay, I pass her the bill to add what she feels comfortable contributing.
3. Ask your date if she wants to go dutch or let her know what her “share” will be to the penny. Argue about any difference in expectation.
4. Pass your date the bill and belch your contentment.

When my date or significant other decides to break things off with me or deliver bad news:

1. I take it in stride and refrain from name calling or bad-mouthing when telling the story later on
2. I may get a little upset and say what I feel needs to be said but try not to hit below the belt
3. You’d better believe that my friends are getting the full re-counting complete with my thoughts about my date’s “news” — right after I tell my date where they can stick it.
4. Name calling? That doesn’t even come close to my reaction. I have no qualms about saying whatever I feel like saying, to hell with the consequences.

In social circles, I’m commonly known as:

1. The perfect person to set up with anyone since I’ll make sure the date has a good time even if I’m not.
2. The person who knows everyone and is comfortable anywhere from the ball game to a black tie dinner. People like me but definitely have seen me acting less than perfect from time to time. Sometimes I’m a bit on the shy side especially when I don’t know many people, but never enough to make it awkward.
3. I get invited to most things. Sometimes I get a bit too rowdy or drunk but rarely pass out before I get home and am always the life of the party.
4. I find myself crashing most parties or inviting myself along since its such a good way to meet people who don’t know me and hook up or score free beer.

I never talk about:

1. Money and personal health issues
2. Other People
3. Not many things are off limits for me, but I’ve got a few subjects I avoid
4. I don’t believe in monitoring what I talk about. Free speech for everyone! (except politicians)

Acceptable Personal Public Displays:

1. I prefer to not be “noticed” in public for any kind of particular behavior.
2. Subtle affection (hand holding, hugging, etc), minimal makeup touch ups, loud laughter when inspired or in a large group, slow dancing but not anything where people would think “Get a room”
3. I’ve been known to pass gas, burp or indulge in public grooming behaviors and sometimes I excuse myself. I’m a fan of PDA and have from time to time been asked to tone it down. I’m often known as the center of attention and usually have everyone around me laughing at my (slightly) off-color humor. On the dance floor, I admit, I’ll use it as an excuse to see how my date “moves.”
4. There’s no reason to be shy about ear cleaning, face picking, booger excavation, passing gas, burping, scratching or adjusting body parts. It happens to everyone and at least I’m honest about it. I don’t really worry about whether or not my PDA is appropriate or not (some dates have a hard time with how affectionate I am — at least until they’ve had enough to drink) and hey, at least my date’s parents know we have a great sex life!

What it really comes down to is respect. The degree of class you display has a lot to do with how much you believe in respecting everyone from the beggar to the President and every ex in-between. Some of the “signs of class” are societal in nature, but many are based on the concept of showing respect not only for others but yourself.

Quiz Scores:

• Mostly 1s — Gwenneth Paltrow’s got nothin’ on you. You’re pretty much untouchable and were likely raised with strict manners as well as being highly aware of how your actions impact those around you. You may want to relax from time to time (at least around close friends,) but your class will serve you well when faced with some of the harder situations that come up in the dating world.
• Mostly 2s — Approachable and pretty easy to be around. You’re a good guest but also a good friend. From time to time, you’ve said things you regret or had to apologize for but for the most part, people feel like you’ve got enough class to take home to meet mom.
• Mostly 3s — You kind of like brushing up against the grittier side of life… enjoying a dirty joke perhaps more than you “should.” You may be unaware just how often you offend others and have likely had to re-live recent actions or words to figure out why someone is avoiding you. A date may hesitate for a while in taking you out to meet friends or family just to make SURE they like you enough to cover for your frequent faux pas.
• Mostly 4s — You love the white trash parties because your “costume” can just be recycled from last weekend’s club wear. No need to go shopping. You really could care less about offending people and likely think society has a few too many rules and regulations. On the dating front, you’re fun for a one night stand or perhaps a night out at a REALLY loud club, but you tend to bring more drama than you’re worth for the more quality dater. You’re loud, brash and fearless about saying whatever comes to mind. Taking you home to meet mom would be… well… scary.